


Take Out

by legendaryjuls



Series: Comforting Myself [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, failure - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-08 00:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19095970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendaryjuls/pseuds/legendaryjuls
Summary: Y/N is stressed but seven boys come to the rescue.





	Take Out

**Author's Note:**

> So this is part of the Comfort Myself Series because I need to dump my feelings somewhere and this is a place where i can. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes but i hope you enjoy.

It’s okay, you tell yourself as you pick up the various papers shattered on the floor. Another sign that it’s probably better to stop now and go to bed, get the sleep you deserve, but you can’t, because this stupid exam is keeping you up. You want to sleep, you want to relax just for an hour or two but whenever you try, all you could think of was the time wasted on you sleeping. Even though you know it’s stupid and wrong, you just can’t stop yourself. For a moment your vision gets blurry from the lack of sleep over the past three days. The most you got were four hours the day before yesterday, but it made you feel so guilty that you decided to stay up two nights in a row. You could feel how drained you were, you knew that you’d be crashing down soon. You close your eyes for a second and sit down on the kitchen floor. Your gaze shifts up to the clock 10:34pm you got a long night ahead of you, but it’s not important, the only important thing right now was your exam. Slowly but steadily you pushed yourself off the ground. You could do that, you did it before, you failed but you got up. It isn’t the time to give up now. It really isn’t the time, you’re going to show your parents and all the people who doubt you, what you really could do. Even if it meant pushing yourself to your limits. Your phone was switched out, to help you focus on your studies. The fact that you worried people with this hasn’t even crossed your mind. Before you sat down at the table again, you made yourself yet another cup of coffee. It was basically what you lived off, coffee and some small snacks in between. The smell off the bitter drink made you already sick, but there was no way you’d survive otherwise.

 

Sliding onto your chair again you opened the script and started reading, scribbling important details on a paper, whilst you try to memorize it. Frustration was growing on you, when you couldn’t remember parts off the passages you just read. It upsetted you, giving the thoughts you wanted to keep in the back of your head a chance to bash forward and sending you into doubt. You tried so hard, you tried so goddamn hard but nothing was enough. Weren’t those efforts worth nothing? You sacrificed yourself over and over again, just to crash down again. Sometimes you wondered if you should just give up, because quitting sounds so much better than pushing yourself towards a dream that you’ll probably never reach. It’s like the qualities of you just aren’t enough. You can hear the words of your parents in the back of your head, just telling you to quite and start looking for something else, maybe a job so you can support yourself. You leaned back, right in this moment you hated yourself more than ever. You hated yourself for not being good enough, for not wanting it enough, for not doing enough, for being this whiny about it. Just the pure thought of what has happened during the past 9 months made you furious. It’s enough you thought, enough of studying, enough of failing, enough of disappointing yourself. It was enough, you couldn’t do it anymore, you couldn’t take it anymore. This is not who you wanted to be, you never wanted to be like that. Unhappy about everything, having the feeling of constant failure surrounding you – you were done. You brushed away the tears, but they kept on streaming. Why would you always cry when you were angry? Where was the point?

“I’M SO STUPID.”, you screamed whilst slamming your laptop shut, knocking over your coffee cup drenching all of your notes in the brown liquid. This was it, you thought. You couldn’t take this anymore. Instead of cleaning it up, you just watch the brown liquid spread all over the table, destroying all your efforts of the past week in seconds. Tears welled up in your eyes again, you were a mess and deep down you knew, you needed to end this know. You needed to quit it.

 

A knock on your door got your attention. Who would knock on your door that late? Where you to loud? You brushed over your face once again, knowing full well this wasn’t going to be fun, since the old lady next door wasn’t exactly fond of you for staying up late. You straightened your shirt, but pushed yourself up and walked towards the door. Opening it slowly, you were expecting the little lady from next door, but instead you were greeted by the seven boys you knew from No Mercy, the survival show they won and where you helped out as an intern. You grew close with them, especially with Changkyun, Jooheon and Hyungwon, since you sometimes got to spend a lot of time with them during preparations. They helped you out and you occasionally helped them out. Forming a friendship, that survived over the years of their debut, even though you hardly had time for each other since university kept you busy, as well as the full schedule of the boys that made it hard to find time to meet up. Their expressions changed the minute they saw you, the bright smiles vanished within seconds leaving them behind with concerned looks. You haven’t seen each other in months and hardly held any contact, so they didn’t really know what was going on with you the past few months. It shocked them to see you like this, especially because you were usually all smiles and being goofy. The sight of the seven made the tears flow down your cheeks again, how in the world were you supposed to explain this? To explain the state of your flat, the state of you and everything they didn’t know about.

 

The arms around you just made you cry more, not able to do anything other than just sob into the shoulder of one of the boys. He slowly pushed you inside, carefully to not make you stumble. The moment you were inside you hugged him back, holding onto dear life.

“Whatever it is, just let it out.”, Shownu said patting your head in a caring manner, making you cry even more.

“It’s alright.”, you could hear Minhyuk whisper near your ear.

“You’re going to be okay.”, followed as he tightened the hug, you could feel your knees becoming weak. The lack of everything over the past few days showed and you hated yourself even more because of this. This wasn’t what you wanted, you didn’t want all of this.

“Let’s go to the couch, okay? We brought food over and it’s more comfortable for you.”, Minhyuk said and you nodded, still shoken by the sobs every now and then.

“Hyungwon, Shownu, come help me in the kitchen.”, you looked over to Kihyun who was already standing in the door frame, the tears got heavier this time, you felt so sorry that he had to see this mess that you made.

“I’m sorry.”, you started to cry even more.

“I’m so sorry for this.”, you looked down covering your face with your hands. You never wanted them to see you like this, you knew they had enough weight on their shoulders already, they shouldn’t take some of yours on their’s as well.

“Y/N.”, Kihyun said walking towards you.

“Don’t apologize, we’re gonna fix this, okay?”, he cupped your face and stared into your eyes. You couldn’t do anything else, but nod, before you found yourself on the couch Changkyun on the one side, Jooheon on the other, whilst Minhyuk and Wonho squatted in front of you. Changkyun pulled you closer, brushing away all the tears that leave your eyes.

“What happened, Y/N?”, Wonho asked putting his hand on your knee to give you some comfort. What happened you asked yourself, you didn’t even know. You couldn’t explain what happened, because it felt like it was too much. So all you could do was shrugging your shoulders.

“I don’t know.”, you whispered, you really didn’t. You really didn’t know, instead the tears kept coming faster.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Just tell us when you’re ready.”, Jooheon said resting his head on your shoulder. And eventually you did, while crying out – what felt like – all your water ressources until you eventually stopped crying. You told them about your failed exams, the harsh words from your parents, the fear of not having a future, the doubt you held and about not feeling good enough. You told them that you just want to quit chasing your dream, because everything seemed so pointless, you told them about your fear of failing and you said that you just want for it to stop.

“I just want to stop existing like this.”, you said while looking down on your legs.

“I can’t do it anymore, it hurts too much.”, you could feel Wonho squeeze your knee.

“Your so strong, Y/N. I know you just focused on the negative right now, but you actually managed to stand up again when the world was bringing you down, not only once but three times. Do you think anyone could do that?” His words were so sweet that you felt like crying again but there were no tears left.

“Exactly and it’s okay to hurt, you know? But you’re not alone in this and if we can help you out, we will.”, Minhyuk said smiling up to you.

“You still got time before the exam, let’s just relax for tonight and tomorrow we’ll figure it out. Okay?”, Jooheon said and brushed the hair out of your face. You nodded, all those words of comfort eased your mind and made you able to relax a little.

“Guys!”, Kihyun shouted from the kitchen, making them come over, leaving you with Changkyun. It’s quiet between the both of you, because you just felt so exhausted.

“Listen, I know it might sound stupid right now, but reaching out for help is nothing bad. You could have called, you know. I want you to know that you can reach out to me, whenever you need me, because you matter Y/N and you tend to forget that. So please promise me that you will call next time, because I’m going to be there, no matter what the next step is and so will be the rest of us.” He said, before six boys came in with the takeout boxes putting them on the table in front of your couch.

“First and foremost, you need to eat and rest.”, Kihyun said giving you a take out box and a glass of water.

“And rest, you need to rest.”, Hyungwon added, giving you a small smile. Shownu looked at you with his usual soft expression.

“You did well, so you should treat yourself and not worry for a bit. You’re going to find your way, and we’ll be there to support you, but for now, Let’s eat.”


End file.
